Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
