Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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