Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
