well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
