Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
