I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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