i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
