at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
