my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
