Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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