I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
