I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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