I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
