Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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