It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
