i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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