Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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