Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
