Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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