He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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