Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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