Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
