is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
