This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
