I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
