So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
