My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
