Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You're a waste of cheezeits
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
