I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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