Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
