My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
