Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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