I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
