Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize