I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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