my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
