Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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