i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
