I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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