i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
