I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
