Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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