based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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