I wish I could teleport
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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