The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
