Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
