Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
