I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
