Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
