Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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