He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
