dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
