your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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