you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
