guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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