is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
