Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
