Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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