stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
