this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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