I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
