I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize