You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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