I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
