I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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