Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
