Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
