a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
