Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
